My Addiction
by Midori Bond
Summary: Two different warriors. Two different views. One common love that just doesn't seem to want to go right. re-post from old penname
1. My Addiction Hiei's Side

My Addiction  
by Midori Bond

* * *

I hate him.

He makes me weak. He makes me vulnerable. He makes me feel things I do not _want_ to feel. Things that as a warrior, I _shouldn't_ feel.

Never mind a warrior... things a _demon_ shouldn't feel. Yet, for some unknown reason, I feel a whole knew array of emotions.

Compassion, want, desire... love.

Each one brought about by soft delicate hands and coy eyes the color of the finest emerald.

Yes, for that I hate him.

The one being that is so perfect it is nearly painful. The thought of seeing him in any type of pain brings me to his side, ready to kill whoever caused such a sight.

This bastard had taught me so much, simply by remaining my friend. Times when I was too wounded to take care of myself, there he was doing it for me. Bringing me back from Death's grip. Helping me survive finding my sister, yet never being able to tell her who I am.

Damn him and his human heart. If it weren't for him, I would never feel this way. He introduced me to caring for more than just myself. He showed me a life beyond physical pain and anger. He taught me how he didn't have to lift a finger to cut me into shreds.

All he did was tell me he loved me.

* * *

Hiei opened his eyes and saw Kurama kneeling next to him. The kitsune was currently wrapping his right arm, once against hiding the black dragon that resided there. "Baka kitsune," Hiei hissed before snatching his arm away.

"You shouldn't be moving around so much," Kurama said softly. His eyes lowered as Hiei quickly stood and started searching for his katana. "You could hurt yourself further."

Hiei snorted and found his sword leaning against a chair. "What do you care?" he said securing his weapon around his waist. His hard ruby eyes saw Kurama lower his head further, and suddenly, Hiei regretted snapping at the fox-spirit. "I'm no one important."

"You're important to me," Kurama breathed as he stood. His eyes widened the moment he realized he'd said the words out loud. He turned to Hiei with uncertainty in his eyes. "You're more important than you realize," he said carefully.

That warm gaze seemed to penetrate every wall Hiei had around his heart. "Affections are a waste Kurama. Especially on me."

"Why do you believe that?" Kurama asked. "Is it because of what you are?"

"I am no one," Hiei said again. He picked up his cloak and carefully put it on. He crossed the room and opened the window. It pained him to see Kurama with pain filled eyes. "It would be best if you remember that," Hiei said climbing onto the window sill.

Kurama knew if he were to let Hiei go, the fire demon would disappear. He had already opened his heart, but now he had to lay it all out on the table for Hiei, and himself to see. "I love you, Hiei," he said desperately. Emerald eyes stayed focused on Hiei's back as he walked over to the window. "I know there are some... things you need to work through, but...."

"But nothing," Hiei snapped. He turned to Kurama and glared into those beautiful eyes. "Emotions are a liability. I do not need you to tell me what I have to work thought."

The youko lowered his head. "My apologies Hiei," he said in a whisper. He turned and walked over to his bed. As he sat down, Kurama felt tears coming to his eyes. "It will never happen again."

Hiei felt his chest tighten as he looked at Kurama. He knew he had hurt the kitsune, but it was necessary. Both were powerful demons living under dangerous circumstances. It was a liability neither of them could afford. Hiei took a shaky breath as he watched Kurama. He didn't know what to do or say. A situation like this had never presented itself before.

Without a word, Hiei jumped onto the window sill. He had to get away. Away from Kurama... the pain in his chest... the feeling that if he continued to watch the beautiful kitsune, he would give in to what the red-head wants. Hiei knew he would have to get away from everything.

* * *

Damn him, _damn him, **damn him**_! I never asked to feel this way! I am supposed to be a proud demon. A prime warrior. But look at where that all lead me.

His tears cut my heart deeper that any blade could. I would kill simply to see him smile, yet, I know he would be upset if I did. I hold my blade for the sheer fact that he would be sad if an innocent died by my hand.

I am weak. I can't see anything by his happiness. As much as I hate it, as much as I deny it, I do love him. I need him in my life.

Youko Kurama, no, Minamino Shuuichi. In either form, he is a beautiful vision. His smiles are like a drug. Each one is more addicting than the last. I don't understand it. I don't understand _him_. He knows my past, and virtually everything about me, yet, he still tells me he loves me.

Yes, I hate him. He has changed everything that I am, down to my very core. But I love him just as much. It sounds strange, even to me. I hate him, yet I love him. He's changed me, but he never tried to do anything of the sort.

My addiction, that is exactly what he is. He is all of my wants, my desires. He is everything I hate, but everything I am. My damnation and salvation. My Kitsune.

* * *

FIN...


	2. My Heartbreak Kurama's Side

My Heartbreak  
by Midori Bond

* * *

I am a fool.

I should have never said anything to him. Then maybe my heart wouldn't feel like broken glass. Or maybe it would, I don't know anymore. It appears that love is a double-edged sword.

And unfortunately, it is a sword I am becoming intimately acquainted with.

* * *

Emerald colored eyes saddened as he looked around his room. This was were it happened. He offered his heart, only to have it ripped away. _"I was a fool to think he would stay,"_ he thought sitting on his bed again.

As he was about to lie down, a dark shadow crossed his window. He knew who it was. That was how Hiei always came to him. Kurama walked over to the glass parted them, and lifted it. "Hiei," he said simply. His heart was too terrified to burst with joy. The last time they spoke, the fire demon had effectively broken his heart.

The smaller demon climbed into the room silently. It was strange to him, really. After he left Kurama, he'd gone back to the Makai. His mind was in constant conflict as he remembered the kitsune's declaration. He didn't know if Kurama actually meant what he had said, or if the fox-spirit was simply playing games. "Fox," Hiei said to acknowledge Kurama's greeting.

Kurama gazed into ruby eyes. The rumble of Hiei's voice was nearly too much for him. "What brings you here?" he asked in a whisper.

"You," the fire demon said simply.

Green eyes widened. "Me?" he echoed. His eyes tracked every move Hiei made. He couldn't understand why Hiei would come to him. Especially after what transpired between them. "Why?"

Hiei looked into Kurama's eyes neutrally. "I'm a fire demon," he said lowly. As Kurama nodded in confusion, his assessment continued. "My own mother stood by as I was cast out of her society."

"I am aware of that," Kurama said quietly.

Hard ruby eyes turned on soft viridian. "Yet you can stand there and confess your love for me?" he asked in a growl. When Kurama continued to simply gaze at him, Hiei nearly lost his temper. "How?" he shouted. "How can you say you love someone that isn't capable of love?"

Kurama shrugged his shoulders. "It's simply the way the fates decided to do things."

Hiei shook his head. "But I don't love you," he said desperately. When he saw Kurama's eyes widen, he felt his own heart being ripped from his chest. He kept his eyes focused on Kurama. He had to put this distance between them. Kurama made him weak, and weakness was something neither of them could afford.

"I have already received that impression Hiei," Kurama said as he tried to hide the hurt in his voice. Silently, Kurama cursed his own voice for betraying him. "But thank you for letting me know. I wouldn't want to make a fool out of myself again."

The fire demon watched Kurama as the redhead turned his back on him. It was starting to eat away at him. The knowledge of how much pain he had caused the one he trusted most the one he cared for most. Hiei stood frozen as he watched Kurama walk over to the window.

Kurama took a deep breath before looking at Hiei with glassy eyes. "Now if you'll excuse me, I would rather wallow in my self pity alone," he said softly.

Ruby eyes darted away from emerald for a moment. "_Why can't I look at him?" _Hiei asked himself. His gaze traveled across the room, taking in the same sights he had dozens of times before. _"Why does his bitterness and pain make my own chest hurt?"_

"Hiei," Kurama said, barely able to keep the tears out of his voice. "Would you please leave," he requested. This entire visit with Hiei had been painful. When the dark haired demon left after his first declaration of love, Kurama felt his heart break. But now, with Hiei here saying he didn't love him, Kurama felt his world being ripped away.

Without a word, Hiei walked over to Kurama and started into face. _"I don't love him."_ Even as his mind told him to leave, Hiei's body stayed in front of Kurama. His ruby eyes widened when he saw a single tear fall from Kurama's eyes. "You're crying," he whispered.

Kurama stepped away from Hiei and roughly wiped his face. "Yes, it appears that I am," he said bitterly. "I am human, partially at least. And I have emotions. From time to time I feel the need to express them. Now, I know you hate weaknesses, please leave before I accidentally display any more."

Hiei held still. Kurama was crying, and throwing him out. Two things the little fire demon would never have _thought_ Kurama was capable of doing. Hiei found himself wanting to stay. The kitsune was his reason for returning.

"Hiei," Kurama sighed.

"You make me weak," Hiei said in a whisper. The pain in his chest was becoming too much, even for him. "You make me hurt. You make it so I don't want to leave."

Emerald eyes went wide after the first reluctant whisper. A soft, hesitant smile crossed Kurama's face as he stepped closer to Hiei. He knew what the Koorime was admitting, even if he didn't.

"If this is what love entails, I will not be any part of it," Hiei hissed. His eyes widened when Kurama gently caressed his face. "What."

"Love isn't always pain," Kurama whispered. Before Hiei could say or do anything, Kurama covered his lips with his own. Kurama knew he would have to show Hiei how love could bring as much happiness as pain.

Hiei closed his eyes tightly as he felt Kurama's gentle hands caressing him. "I don't want this weakness," he chanted in his mind. A frown crossed his face when Kurama's tongue shyly caressed his. _"I am a warrior! I do not need nor want this weakness!"_ Hiei's hands slowly reached out and buried themselves in soft thick locks of red hair. He couldn't understand why his body was giving into everything Kurama was doing; especially when his mind was telling him to do the exact opposite.

Kurama slowly broke the kiss and ran his fingers across Hiei's cheek. "Love can bring you happiness. Not only physical release, but it also brings a joy to your soul that I can't even begin to describe." He saw ruby eyes turn to the floor in confusion, and started to kiss the pale neck in front of him. "Let me become the other part of your soul, Hiei," he breathed.

Ruby eyes drifted shut. He didn't know exactly what to do. On one hand, he wanted the warmth Kurama was giving him; but on the other, he didn't want the weakness the youko made him feel. Slowly, Hiei started to shake his head. "I don't need you," he whispered. But even as he said it, he pulled the fox-spirit closer.

"There's no harm in admitting weakness," Kurama whispered into Hiei's ear. Emerald eyes went round when he heard a low growl and found himself roughly slammed against the wall.

"I am not weak," Hiei growled staring into Kurama's eyes. He felt all of his inner confusion slip away as he felt a gentle hand in his hair. Without a word, Hiei crushed Kurama's lips under his own.

Kurama ran his hands along Hiei's shoulders. He could the fire demon's hands pulling at the shirt he wore. Just as he was about to push away from the wall, he heard a low warning growl, then his shirt being ripped open. He understood what Hiei was doing. The smaller demon was trying to prove that he wasn't weak.

But Hiei didn't understand that he didn't have to prove it to the redhead in his arms.

So the fox-spirit let him pull him into his arms, and carry him to the bed. This was Hiei's dance, and he had to lead. If Kurama wanted any part of the Koorime, he would have to give into him.

* * *

Hiei is gone again. He made his exit some time while I was asleep. Not that I'm surprised. He can't face what is between us. His telling me he didn't love me was proof of that.

But even as he told me he couldn't love, his hands told a different story. His kisses also changed from brutal to tender. So even if he says he doesn't love me, I know he's lying. He's using his most precious defense, his anger, as a way of keeping me away.

Sometimes I wonder what he would say if he knew that was one of the main things I love about him. It was his 'why should I care' attitude that caught my attention at first. He lived in a way I used to, in a way, still longed to. He was free, with nothing to hold him back, nothing to chain him to anything.

I got to know him better than either of us intended when we were first put on parole. We had to help Yusuke and Kuwabara fight against the Saint Beasts. He stayed by my side after my fight with Genbu. He helped me with my injuries, even after he himself was hurt by Seiryu.

I think that was when I fell in love with him.

And after all of this time, he's still exactly the same. The lone fire demon that tries to distance himself from everything and everyone.

Wait, that is a mistake. He has changed over time. He is willing to consider the others friends. He's willing to open himself up to loving me even if he doesn't realize it yet.

That is the entire problem though. I know I shouldn't expect profound confessions of love, but I can't help but yearn for them. I know that, for now, I will have to let him play his games. I will have to see how many times he will come to me after this. I have to see how many times he can kiss me the way he does, or even make love to me the way he does, and still say he doesn't love me.

It's frustrating, knowing what dance is ahead of us. It won't be easy. I already know there are going to be at least a dozen different times where it will feel like it's too much and I won't be able to continue. But I have to.

I love him too much to let him go. Besides, I've already chosen Hiei as my mate. And foxes, even those of the demon variety, mate for life.

* * *

FIN...


End file.
